St. Patricks Day Fun

From a friends e mail. Everyone is Irish on St Patrick's Day. Have fun.

The Errand
>
> McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after
> martini,
> each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
>
> When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks
> consumed,
> the Irishman started to leave.
>
> "S'cuse me", said a customer,
> who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
> "what was that all about?"
>
> "Nothin' , said the Irishman,
> "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
>
> *
> ***********************************************
>
> Water to wine
>
> An Irish priest is driving down to New York
> and gets stopped for speeding.
> The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
>
> and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
> the car.
>
> He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
>
> "Just water," says the priest.
>
> The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
> The priest looks at the bottle and says,
> "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
> ***********************************************
> Lost at Sea
>
> Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,
> were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
> from a burning freighter.
> While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
> Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
> Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
> he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
> To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
>
> This particular genie, however,
> stated that he could only deliver one wish,
> not the standard three.
>
> Without giving much thought to the matter,
> Patrick blurted out,
> "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer !"
>
> The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
> and immediately the entire sea turned into
> the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
> Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
>
> Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull
> broke the stillness as the two men considered their
> circumstances.
>
> Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick
> whose wish had been granted.
> After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
> "Nice going Patrick!
> Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
>
> ***********************************************
>
> The Fall
>
> < /span> Murphy was staggering home with a pint of
> booze
> in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
> Struggling to his feet,
> he felt something wet running down his leg.
> "Please Lord," he implored,
> "let it be blood!!"
>