Alice Visits A Political Wonderland

From the Shawano Leader Online. By Tim Ryan.
What is going on at the Shawano Leader?
First an ACORN article and now this. Dittos Shawano Leader.

A good read.

"Tim Ryan column: Alice visits a political Wonderland

"Curiouser and curiouser," Alice said.

And as instantly as she said it, the words came back again, saying, "curiouser and curiouser." And all at once Alice realized where it was she was. She had entered the Echo Chamber.

"Hm," she said, to which, "Hm," replied. "Seems to me there's nothing here," she said, "to be heard but what I've said."

Alice pondered where to go now, and as she looked around considering her choices, the Echo Chamber reverberated with countless other voices, none of which seemed to make very much sense at all.

"Ayres and Rezko, Wright and Acorn!" said someone who rushed in. "Rezko and Acorn, Ayres and Wright! Or did I get that wrong?" Alice turned to see a White Rabbit with a watch, who seemed to be in quite a hurry.

"Excuse me," Alice ventured, "but what are these names you keep repeating and whatever do they mean?"

"I've no idea," the rabbit said. "They may mean nothing at all. But they certainly must mean something, or why would I repeat them?"

"I don't know, but they certainly seem to frighten you. Perhaps you should take some time to find out what they mean. If you stop and think you might find there's nothing to be afraid of."

"I've no time for that," the rabbit replied. "No time to stop. No time to think. As you can see - look at my watch! - there's only 18 days!"

With that the rabbit disappeared down a muddy hole. Alice peered into the hole and decided, wherever she should go, she didn't want to go that way. There must be some other way, she thought, that wasn't quite so muddy.

"There's no mud up here," said a voice perched high up in a tree, where, resting on a branch, was a smiling Cheshire Cat.

"Could you tell me, please," Alice said, "which way to go from here."

"That depends," the cat replied, "on where you want to be. Certainly, it would appear you don't like where you're going. And if you don't, I would say you need a new direction."

"That sounds easy enough," Alice said. "But which direction?"

The cat began to answer, but it was about this time that a regiment of playing cards, with King and Queen in tow, interrupted with their croquet game and started up a row.

"Off with his head," the Queen of Hearts shouted, pointing at the cat. "There's someone who doesn't see Wonderland as wonderful as that!" But the cat began to fade and nearly disappeared, leaving behind only his smile, grinning from ear to ear.

"Excuse me," Alice ventured, respectfully to the queen. "Was the cat some kind of criminal? Is there something he's done wrong?"

"Dear girl, I am the queen," she said, "I never make attacks. I simply talk in a way that's straight, and others turn it 'round. But I've no time to talk with you, a crisis is at hand."

"If there is a crisis," Alice said, "may I ask why you're playing croquet?"

"We're not," the queen insisted. "We hereby suspend the game. The mighty Dow, you see, has had a mighty fall and so we must send all the king's horses and all the king's men to put the Dow together again."

"How will horses do that?" Alice asked.

"Hm," the queen said. "You must be with the media." With that, the king and queen and all their playing cards rushed off in such a haste the queen's lipstick got left behind.

"There's so much noise here," Alice said, "It's hard to hear the facts."

"Just as well," a voice replied. To which another voice replied, "Just as well indeed."

Alice turned to see a pair of twins who called themselves by the very odd names of Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

"Facts don't matter, anyway," Tweedledee expounded. "You're better off not hearing them. For facts only complicate the matter."

"But how is one to know what's true if one doesn't know the facts?" Alice inquired.

"What's true depends on what it is one chooses to believe," said Tweedledum. "And because facts make it harder to believe in what you choose, they simply cannot be trusted. The fact is facts are biased."

"You mean," said Alice, "everything is true because nothing is and nothing is true because everything is?"

"Now, you've grasped it," said Tweedledee. "That's called politics. And I will further explain with some poetry," which he instantly began to recite:

"The time has come for change," the candidate exclaimed.

"Republicans have botched it all, and they're the ones to blame."

And this was odd because he had an 'R' beside his name.

This didn't faze the Democrats. "We said it first," they said,

As they were welcomed in a state the GOP had fled.

And this was very odd, you know, because the state was red.

The Donkey and the Elephant, meanwhile, took the budget for a peek.

And they wept like anything to see so much red ink.

"If only this were cleared away," said they, "We'd be more in the pink."

"If we taxed all the wealthy with a tax for seven years,

Do you suppose," the Donkey said, "That would get it clear?"

"I doubt it," said the Elephant, and shed a bitter tear.

"Oh, Voters, come and walk with me!" The Donkey did implore.

"We've just had eight years of this and can't have any more.

We'll show you how it might have been if we'd elected Gore."

"Rather come and walk with me," the Elephant did exhort,

"For now we're all Republicans of a very different sort.

And we oppose so many things that once we did support."

"The time has come," the Donkey said, "To talk of many things:

Of jobs and health and income tax, of lobbyists and strings,

And of the lack of oversight that put us in this sling."

"The time has come for unity," The Elephant did say.

"We will be bipartisan, on fear we will not play.

But have we mentioned lately that there's terrorists at bay?"

But the voters were not listening, because you see they knew,

Soon their 401-K statements shortly would be due.

And as they held their breath so long, they started to turn blue.

When your life is on the go�take your life with you." Shawano Leader