A Living Will

Thanks to John and Nancy.
To all that have not prepared themselves for the final days.

New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Martini
______a Margarita
______ a Scotch and soda
______a BloodyMary
______a Gin and Tonic
_______a Glass of Chardonnay
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control
______a bowl of ice cream
______The sports page
______Chocolate or
______Sex

It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I here by instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ____________________
Date: ___________________________

NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If any one knows the name of this happy place PLEASE pass the information to my spouse or oldest child!